Relational Therapy
Most couples don’t come to therapy because they’ve stopped caring about each other.
They come because something keeps happening between them that neither person can fully explain or stop on their own.
Often, each partner is carrying an old relational wound into the relationship, and those wounds tend to manifest into painful and repetitive patterns.
One scenario that I commonly see involves a partner protecting themselves by pulling back from vulnerability, quietly deciding not to let the relationship matter as much as it used to. I also often see partners who internalize hurt as shame, becoming guarded or defensive, afraid that being fully seen will only lead to more rejection. One partner is protecting themself by withdrawing and the other is protecting themself by putting their guard up, which can create a cycle where both partners feel increasingly alone in the relationship, even while sitting right next to each other.
The goal of this work isn't to help you and your partner stay calm and regulated no matter what. Relationships are going to be disorienting sometimes. Conflict, disappointment, even grief within a relationship: these things should disrupt you both. I'm more interested in helping you stay integrated with yourselves and with each other so that you are able to feel what comes up, even when it's messy, without losing connection in the process.
That kind of change happens through real engagement, including with me in the room. I won't ask either of you to stay composed or “fair” for my benefit. I'd rather we get into what's actually happening between you, even when it's uncomfortable, because that's where the real patterns become visible and changeable.
If you and your partner are tired of a relationship that asks you both to shrink, perform, or stay guarded around each other, I'd like to help you find a different way back to each other.